Problem having lots of memories is that there were events that triggers very embarrassing moments in the past and an added layer of embarrassment now that I understand what the social norm is here. Yet as obnoxious and oblivious I used to be, I achieved a lot exactly because I had no idea what the social norm was and therefore, did not feel embarrassed when I made a fool of myself.

The main culprit of my embarrassment comes from how cock sure I was of my own world view and how I was able to believe in my own lies completely. Whereas now, I understand that I a only believing in my own lies for a short moment in order to achieve the goals I want. Social interactions are always faked, unless I am with the few whom I do not wish to fake anything. I wish one day to be able to look back and be proud of what I was able to achieve, instead of feeling the embarrassing details through the eyes of a bystander. This will take time.

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