That i’ve been lying to myself? Through trying to befriend everyone I know, I am betraying my own feelings of distaste and hatred? But what if my desire to change my own selfish hatred and reach the state of comfort is stronger than those feelings. Am I betraying them? Or am I simply killing them? Through all these changes, leaving myself an empty shell, unable to stick to one opinion about how I am or who I am?
I feel like writing again. Both to practice my english and as a way to complete my thoughts that I never get to complete on a normal heptic day.
Looking back, I’ve never been able to find a group of friends I am comfortable with. Where they just accept me and I them. I wonder, through my pursuit of the murky goals I set, what is wrong with me? But I am trying to change. I am learning and learning, the way to converse and the way to behave. I am learning to be positive and fun to be with.
Today, I started my own human improvement project:
I read palmistry
I broke the ice with a cute cashier.
The 4 months I’ve been here I’ve:
Acquire 2 phone numbers from women I’ve never seen.
Practiced and applied seduction technique on one woman.
Receive 4 signals from girl to approach and approached.
Went out on one date.
Writing feels so good. But I think being read is even better.