As I achieve more goals I set out earlier in life, I find myself getting quieter and more reserved. This blog’s posting frequency is a parallel of this new found inner peace.
The adrenaline rush that usually accompanies achieving goals are not there if these goals are similar to ones I’ve already achieved before before. Going diving for the 63rd time is not worth writing about compared to the first time. There’s no new breakthrough, no new insight, just the continuation of my refinement of a skill. So you see, there’s a reason why I am writing less. Visiting yet-another-temple after having toured Ankor Wat does not excite me at all. The next goals takes that much longer and requires a lot more luck. So is often not achievable. But those are the type of goals that I have to set now.
Part of it, is the self realization that talking about what I am doing gives me a false sense of achieving the goal. It takes away motivation from the goal as my brain bath in the dopamine rush. So I try not to do it. That and I really do not like people who talk big and talk flashy and actively stay away from those people. After having met so many, I know that these people usually are not achievers. They could have the A type personality and is a go-getter, but flashy talkers rarely achieve. Those who have already achieved much, don’t need to talk because they no longer need to get attention or build relationships to be successful, they already are successful. Talking about achievements, only draws in unwanted attention.
It’s also my subconscious way of steering myself away from traits that lead me to fail. So the solution is to talk about my struggles instead of what I want to do. No, I am not becoming a negative pessimist again. But talking about struggles do require lots of negative connotations. There might be other benefits. Maybe it’ll make my thoughts more organised again or maybe it’ll make my speech more eloquent since I practice sentences here.
I’ve returned to competing in Dancesport. This time, I am going into it with the goal of building out my network of people. I thought about it, this circle probably has a high concentration of powerful wealthy people that can be useful later on in life so there are several benefits of getting back into dancing. It felt a lot easier to do than say, Muay Thai or learning guitar. I get pleasure out of it whereas learning a new skill has this frustration as well as a bit of impatience and fear. I can never get into the zone when learning a new skill.
Recovery from injuries takes longer. I am not sure if it is because I am dancing harder now or because of old age, I sure don’t remember my bones hurting so bad when I was younger. What I do notice is that my movements are sharper and faster, I am more flexible and more fit than 10 years ago. So physical fitness can still improve after people’s “supposed” peak physical years. But deep down inside, I know that it is because I never reached my body’s full potential at the age where maximum fitness an be achieved. Looking back, it will probably be one of my bigger regrets. What if…. what if…. The culture where I grew up in and the amount of space around available for sports just isn’t there. I discovered physical fitness way too late in my life, just as I have discovered dancing way too late.
So here I am, in some sort of physical pain every night. But if you look back to when I first started on this journey to get fit, I remember being physically tired all the time from just working out twice a week. Heck, running for half an hour would make me tired for the whole week, one session of ab training gave me rhabdo. I couldn’t imagine back then, the amount of physical activity I can do now: Weight training every other day, dance practice for 2 hours 4 times a week and Muay thai once per week. For the me back then, it was physically impossible to be this active, but here I am. Then again, I’ve experienced so many things that I thought was impossible in my life. Speaking of which, another reason why I don’t like to talk about what I am trying to achieve or have achieved. Cause people will think it is so impossible that I made it up.