To expand on Aspergers, I am probably a very high functioning one or just lucky enough to have the object of my desires to be something related to human relationships. The ones that stands out are those who specializes in something unnatural.
Perhaps one of the more damaging moment when I was young, is to have one of these young psychologist or psychiatrists tell me that I might have a disease known as Aspergers out right without me seeking her opinion. The resulting internal debate is one of the most depressing one I’ve had till that point in my life almost as similar in intensity to the day I learned the false idiocy which says our brain stops growing after our teenage years.
If you look at our society and those successful founders at the top who invented something, you’ll notice that most of them has some form of Aspergers and they found a way to hide it from normal people. The desire for perfection and an insufferable desire to complete an idea. These are the exact same characteristics necessary to succeed in something new. From my point of view, this is a genetic mutation that allow us to transcend “Normality” and ascend to the next form of existence. However, our brain only has a limited amount of computational ability, so these specialized “gifts” often come at the expense of other normal functions.
If you were to imagine a smooth suave normal person that you’d look up to, I believe most everyone can agree that ballroom dancers are the most elegant bunch and can all agree that they are not one of these “brain damaged” retards. Yet if you think about how they achieved their elegance for a moment. Countless hours everyday of repeating the same routine OVER AND OVER. Isn’t that just like someone with Aspergers? Everything hardcore where you aim for the top requires some type of mental illness. The very definition of the top 1% says you are not normal.
The sooner we can change our mindset on this, the sooner we can start cultivating and grooming these gifted individuals to help advance our civilization. Think about it? What is normal? Living a normal life, never standing out, doing the same shit everyone else is doing. I hold a certain amount of disdain towards the normal people I see in everyday life. Always chatting on the phone about insignificant nonsense, always checking instagram (Snap chat or whatever is new nowadays). Never doing anything akin to improving themselves or thinking about the future.
Imagine a kid with a brilliant ability to invent new devices and having an authoritative figure telling the kid one day that he has a disability with the parents agreeing with the authority. This is probably the most devastating hit to the kid’s mind than anything you can throw at him.
There was something important with my little “gift” that I believe allowed me to be somewhat responsive in social settings. That is a moment when I come to peace with not “Completing” something or not doing something to the high standard I require. This desire to have things in an order in the way it is supposed to be in my desire is very strong and important part of Aspergers. At least according to me. It drives me and pushes me towards excellence, always trying to be better. It hurts a lot internally when I cannot make it the way I want it.
I believe, since I can only speak from my own experience, that others get stuck when this happens and cannot get out of it. I call it a dissonance loop. You must finish so your mind can move on to the next thing, but you cannot finish. Before you know it, the mind goes inside and the body start moving automatically towards the coping mechanism adapted since childhood. The way I go about overriding this, is by agreeing to myself that I am doing this for others, so it is not what I wanted so that the standard does not have to be “perfection”. I’ve also learned a lot about time management and what’s important to do first, so these logical reasonings can be used to override the “emotional” desire in order to push things forward in a project.
Well, I didn’t always know the internal workings of my own “gift” until recently. Going to an extreme Vipassana retreat to meditate really helped me go through my life’s moment and slowly sort out the ins and out of everything. I also uses anchoring techniques and a clap as the anchor as a quick way to release myself if I ever enter into a “Dissonance Loop” in public.
I think this is all that I needed to say on the subject. I will now get back to making sure that the walls of my new apartments are “perfectly prepped” before I put on the new coat of paint. This apartment will be for me and me only, so everything in it is about indulging that little “gifted” side of mine.