There is the true self.
Then there is the presented self. I’ve had to go through an intense period of being criticized and prepped to become a figurehead and not loving every moment of it because nobody likes being criticized. Especially when they think you are a nobody. Yet I don’t want to tell them about my secret… It’s better to pretend to be a fake than to attract the unwanted attention. Even those I told to, only has an approximate idea. I wanted to reveal this to somebody, but who do I trust enough to do that?
The whole process of being an exec, from what I’ve learned so far, is to just not say anything bad, not reveal anything that might be considered bad. To show nothing but the squeaky clean self: the pale skin of an immaculate marble statue.
The reason why I am having such a hard time adopting to it is because I have yet to found the other half whom I’d usually be able to vent with… so I find the next closest thing possible. Those close to me. Yet can you fully believe in them? Not that they’d do things with the intention to betray me, but things often happen because they do things with the intention to help me. Or just a slip of the tongue. Or I am paranoid because somehow things just seem to fall into the ears of others. The only possibility to prevent it, is to not speak of it at all. This is the only way I know of that allows me to do what I have to do while remaining true to my core principals: to be truthful and honest.
Even this blog, I can’t. I have duties.