To say that I don’t care about who read this blog is a lie. However, I’ve noticed that knowing who is reading is preventing me from writing the things that I want to write about in a blog. I started writing, before the term “blog” was even coined and bought by Google. So in truth, I didn’t do this in order to “blog” but rather to experience and express certain things.
Blogging in the eyes of the mainstream has evolved to what you see today, but what I have in mind with this place have not. Yes, I’ve chased after a few ideas over time. Such as blogging for a bigger audience, blogging or money and blogging for the real life people I know… but those are not the reasons why I should be writing here.
The original idea is to have a place to write anything I want, no matter how silly it was under a pseudo name. To be able to hide behind anonymity and see what strangers say about my thoughts without taking responsibilities in the flames that are sure to follow. Over time, this type of web have disappeared, drowned out by the mainstream media along with the type of blogs that writes the type of things I wanted to write. It has become too easy to connect the real person to its digital counterparts. So the natural progression of these facts turned my blog towards what it is today. A collection of things that happened, devoid of my own thoughts.
I did meet interesting people with the exact promise of my original intention: people like Lo, Ms. Z, Milo and Fred, while it allowed me to keep in touch with Jeff who started with the same intention and around the same time. So I have to say that the experience is not in vain. But these people were met, before the web 2.0 got mainstream. The logical conclusion is that I really need to go back to how things used to be with this. No, password protecting sensitive entries really doesn’t work, consider the original objectives.
There are some options that I am considering. The most prominent of which is the change of address of the current blog. The problem is, I don’t know who’s lurking around that fits my reader criteria. These type of readers takes a long time to surface and until now, some of you still haven’t surfaced. I know, not because I tried to hack my way through technology and find you, but because you show up as a the only person who visits in one of those remote countries that I’ve never been to. I have no intention of trying to track you down, because I value the anonymous part of this deal perhaps more than you do. If I know you in person, I will unintentionally not say certain things because I will be afraid of offending your values. Just knowing that there are actually people who reads the weird ideas and didn’t call the police on me is enough to keep me sane.
I’ve also been using this to update my real life friends, so that will probably be gone. I just have to get off my lazy ass and actually start calling people instead. Then again, I hate phones. The business training numbed me of the anxiety, but it doesn’t make me a great conversationalist over the phone. In fact, the only way I know to talk on the phone is business style.
These are just some of the ideas that’s floating around in my mind. As things gets clearer, I’ll be able to express them more clearly. This blog will go on because I need it to record my life. Just not in this current form.