On the line

Sometimes, I really don’t understand why I push myself like this. Putting my ego on the line so others can trample it over and over again. Am I losing my dignity? Wouldn’t life be simpler if I just do what I always did? No stress,  no excitement and my feelings wouldn’t be hurt. I’d feel good about myself.

It’s a sign that I still don’t deal well with rejection. Whenever I tell myself that it is ok we are just not a good fit, in the subconscious level, there’s always an equal resistance that wanted to push it forward even more.

I think what hurts me the most is that I did not expect the process to feel the same as in year 2003 when I first graduated. There’s no excuse this time, 5 years of hard work experience later, it is still the same.