Gone loco

I laughed all the way down with a manic saddistic tone, almost desperate but liberating. I’ve been doing that for the past two weeks whenever anyone asked me about the stock market. I told these people that I am laughing because these bankers and traders finally got a taste of what I had when I graduated into 2003. I also told them that through these loss, I have finally reached an emotional state that I have sought ever since I became independent at 18. Yes, it is true. I am no longer bound by losses.

Have I gone crazy? Maybe. Could this be a backlash of extreme sorrow? Maybe. Anything could cause it, but one thing is certain. My heart has never felt lighter, nor have I been so unrestrained at any other time in my life. It also seems to coincide with being healthy again. Today I drank some coffee and ate some frozen pasta. I tasted a few things that I wasn’t aware of before.

It feels as if some burden’s been lifted from my shoulders. The burden to succeed, to leave a legacy, to achieve a better life than others and to be rich. For now, there are no goals and I just do things as it comes to mind. I am going to live like that for a while. It is the opposite of what my life had been.