It’s raining hard recently. Good, it fits my mood. My flight has been changed to August 2nd and I felt nothing upon hearing the news. I don’t care about leaving or staying anymore and I am tired of realizing facts about life. Life is life fuck with it and deal with it. I am tired of thinking, I am tired of soul searching and I am tired of understanding. I am tired of doing so much for others and trying so hard. Isn’t it time that…

Maybe I am expecting too much from others. Yes I am. I hate helping others. Because after it is done, I see this reflection of my own problems that needs the help of others. I yearn to be saved each time I go that extra mile for someone else. I yearn and I wait, until the hope dies down and I eventually saved myself from my own demise. Each time, become more and more independant of others, each time losing faith in people.

Yet I understand that only I can save myself. But I also want to feel that there’s someone there willing to give me that push along the way and make me feel warm all over.

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